I'm more handsome than my lover's loser husband — but she won't leave him for me (2025)

Workplace crushes are fairly common – but what might start as innocent flirting can sometimes go too far, as one reader is finding out.

After beginning an affair with a married coworker, he’s now hoping she’ll leave her marriage for him.

But despite our reader insisting his lover’s husband isn’t a patch on him, he’s starting to wonder if they’ll ever be able to walk off into the sunset together.

Read the advice below, but before you go, don’t forget to read last week’s column, about a woman who stopped taking birth control – without telling her boyfriend.

The problem:

I’m always reading about girls whose married boyfriends never leave their wives, but I’ve yet to see this problem the other way around.

So let me be the first. I’ve been seeing the same girl for over two years, and although she regularly promises to leave her husband, it never happens.

Whenever I bring the subject up, she accuses me of ‘spoiling things’ and says she’ll leave him when the time is right. But there’s never any indication of when that time will be.

She has two daughters aged nine and six, who know me well as I work with their mum. This means I also know her husband, and although I’m always polite to him, I can’t stand the bloke as I think he’s a complete loser.

It’s a mystery to me why she stays with him, as he isn’t that handsome, doesn’t have a particularly good job and according to her, they never have sex. So what stops her from leaving him? I honestly don’t know.

I’ve threatened to finish with her numerous times, but she always says she can’t live without me, and persuades me to wait ‘just a bit longer’.

Because we work together it’s easy to have an affair; on top of that, her husband is a lorry driver who’s away a lot. In fact, I swear I spend more time with her than he does.

Friends say I’m wasting my life waiting for her to be single, but I love her and want us to be together.

The advice:

Believe me, you’re not the first guy to write to me with this problem, and I’m afraid my answer is pretty much always the same – you need to find another girlfriend.

There is clearly more to their relationship than you can see on the surface. Whether he’s handsome or has a good job is irrelevant; they have a family and a life together, and it looks like you’re just the ‘bit on the side’ who provides all the adventure and excitement.

Your girlfriend has the best of both worlds at the moment, and it’s difficult to see what would actually make her break up her family. She clearly isn’t that miserable, or she’d leave her husband in a heartbeat. She probably thinks she has the perfect set-up, and you help provide that.

I’m never in favour of breaking up families, as I’ve seen the damage it can cause. Your girlfriend has two children, who doubtless adore their dad, so I’m not even going to suggest you give her a ‘leave him or I’m moving on’ ultimatum. I’m simply going to advise you to walk away from this one.

Getting involved with someone married is never a smart move, but don’t look on the last two years as a waste; I’m sure you’ve had some wonderful times and gained lots of positives from the relationship.

There is always another side to the story, and your girlfriend’s husband may well think they’re perfectly happy together.

Now you need to find the person who will make you happy; someone who is free to give you the sort of love you’re looking for.

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

Got a sex anddatingdilemma?To get expert advice, send your problem toLaura.Collins@metro.co.uk.

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